Xifeng

鸳鸯，老太太这几天玩得很开心，我们再给她一个大笑话，好不好？

Yuānyang, lǎotàitai zhè jǐtiān wándé hěn kāixīn, wǒmen zài gěi tā yí gè dàxiàohuà, hǎobùhǎo?

Yuanyang, the old lady has been so happy these last few days. Shall we give her one more big laugh?

Yuanyang

凤姐，您又想到什么鬼主意了？我先说好，我不做坏事。

Fèngjiě, nín yòu xiǎngdào shénme guǐzhǔyì le? Wǒxiān shuōhǎo, wǒ bú zuò huàishì.

Lady Feng, what naughty idea have you come up with now? I'm telling you first, I won't do anything bad.

Xifeng

不是坏事。你看，这双筷子是象牙做的，上面还有金子，又长又重。我们把它给刘姥姥用。

Búshì huàishì. Nǐ kàn, zhè shuāng kuàizi shì xiàngyá zuò de, shàngmiàn háiyǒu jīnzi, yòu zhǎng yòu zhòng. Wǒmen bǎ tā gěi Liú lǎolao yòng.

It's nothing bad. Look, these chopsticks are made of ivory with gold on them, long and heavy. Let's give them to Granny Liu.

Yuanyang

可她是客人，用这么重的筷子怎么夹菜？她会不会觉得我们在笑话她？

Kě tā shì kèrén, yòng zhème zhòng de kuàizi zěnme jiācài? Tā huì bù huì juéde wǒmen zài xiàohuà tā?

But she's a guest. How can she pick up food with chopsticks this heavy? Won't she think we're laughing at her?

Xifeng

所以要你去跟她说清楚。刘姥姥是个明白人，你告诉她这是一场戏，她一定会演得比我们更精彩。

Suǒyǐ yào nǐ qù gēn tā shuō qīngchu. Liú lǎolao shì gè míngbairén, nǐ gàosu tā zhè shì yìcháng xì, tā yídìng huìyǎn dé bǐ wǒmen gèng jīngcǎi.

That's why you'll explain it to her. Granny Liu is a sharp woman. Tell her it's a play, and she'll act it out better than we could.

Yuanyang

好吧，我去。不过要是她不高兴，我就说这是您的主意！

Hǎo ba, wǒ qù. Búguò yàoshi tā bù gāoxìng, wǒ jiù shuō zhè shì nín de zhǔyì!

Fine, I'll go. But if she's upset, I'll say it was all your idea!

Narrator

中午，长长的饭桌上摆满了菜，刘姥姥坐在老太太身边，手里拿着一双又大又重的筷子。

Zhōngwǔ, chángchángde fànzhuō shàng bǎimǎn le cài, Liú lǎolao zuòzài lǎotàitai shēnbiān, shǒulǐ ná zhe yìshuāng yòu dà yòu zhòng de kuàizi.

At noon the long table was covered with dishes. Granny Liu sat beside the old lady, holding a pair of huge, heavy chopsticks.

Granny Liu

鸳鸯姑娘都告诉我了，今天我来演一出大戏，给老太太解解闷儿。这双筷子，比我家的锄头还重啊。

Yuānyang gūniáng dōu gàosu wǒ le, jīntiān wǒláiyǎn yìchū dàxì, gěi lǎotàitai jiějiěmèn ér. Zhè shuāng kuàizi, bǐ wǒjiā de chútou háizhòng a.

Miss Yuanyang told me everything. Today I'll put on a big show to cheer the old lady up. These chopsticks are heavier than my hoe.

Grandmother Jia

刘姥姥，别客气，桌上的菜都是给你准备的，多吃一点儿。

Liú lǎolao, bié kèqi, zhuōshàng de cài dōu shì gěi nǐ zhǔnbèi de, duō chī yìdiǎnr.

Granny Liu, don't be shy. Everything on the table is for you, so eat more.

Granny Liu

各位太太小姐听好了！我老刘吃饭，一顿能吃一头牛，今天我要吃个够本！

Gèwèi tàitai xiǎojie tīng hǎo le! Wǒ lǎo liú chīfàn, yídùn néng chī yìtóu niú, jīntiān wǒyào chī gè gòuběn!

Ladies, listen up! When old Liu eats, she can finish a whole ox in one meal, and today I'm going to eat until it's worth it!

Xifeng

请刘姥姥先尝尝这道鸽子蛋。这是我们府里的名菜，一个蛋值一两银子呢。

Qǐng Liú lǎolao xiān chángcháng zhèdào gēzi dàn. Zhèshì wǒmen fǔ lǐ de míngcài, yí gè dànzhí yìliǎng yínzi ne.

Granny Liu, please try the pigeon eggs first. It's a famous dish in our house, and each egg is worth one tael of silver.

Granny Liu

一两银子？我这辈子还没吃过这么贵的东西。小蛋啊小蛋，你可别跑。

Yīliǎng yínzi? Wǒ zhèbèizi hái méichīguò zhème guì de dōngxi. Xiǎodàn a xiǎodàn, nǐ kě biépǎo.

One tael of silver? I've never eaten anything so expensive in my life. Little egg, little egg, don't you run away.

Granny Liu

看我的！一，二，三……哎，你怎么跑了？

Kàn wǒ de! Yī, èr, sān… Āi, nǐ zěnme pǎo le?

Watch me! One, two, three... hey, why did you run?

Granny Liu

你往左，我往左，你往右，我往右！你这个小东西，比我家的小猪还会躲！

Nǐ wǎng zuǒ, wǒwǎng zuǒ, nǐ wǎngyòu, wǒ wǎngyòu! Nǐ zhège xiǎodōngxi, bǐ wǒjiā de xiǎozhū háihuì duǒ!

You go left, I go left. You go right, I go right! You little thing, you dodge better than my piglets!

Grandmother Jia

哈哈哈！我活了这么大年纪，从来没见过一个蛋这么难抓！

Hāhāhā! Wǒhuó le zhème dà niánjì, cónglái méijiàn guò yí gè dàn zhème nán zhuā!

Ha ha ha! In all my years I've never seen an egg so hard to catch!

Granny Liu

抓到了！哎呀，又掉了！这么贵的蛋，滚到地上，连一句话也没说就走了！

Zhuādào le! Āiyā, yòu diào le! Zhème guì de dàn, gǔn dào dìshàng, lián yí jù huà yě méi shuō jiù zǒu le!

Got it! Oh no, it fell again! Such an expensive egg rolled onto the floor and left without saying a word!

Xifeng

刘姥姥别难过，掉了就再夹一个，我们厨房里多的是。

Liú lǎolao biénánguò, diào le jiù zài jiā yí gè, wǒmen chúfáng lǐ duō de shì.

Don't be sad, Granny Liu. If it falls, pick up another. The kitchen has plenty.

Granny Liu

不夹了，不夹了！一个蛋的银子，够我们全家吃一个月的米，我可不敢再追它了。

Bù jiā le, bù jiā le! Yí gè dàn de yínzi, gòu wǒmen quánjiā chī yí gèyuè de mǐ, wǒ kě bù gǎn zài zhuī tā le.

No more, no more! The silver for one egg could buy my family a month of rice. I dare not chase it again.

Grandmother Jia

好了好了，你们两个别再逗她了。来人，给刘姥姥换一双普通的筷子。

Hǎo le hǎo le, nǐmen liǎnggè bié zài dòu tā le. Lái rén, gěi Liú lǎolao huàn yìshuāng pǔtōng de kuàizi.

All right, enough, you two, stop teasing her. Someone bring Granny Liu a plain pair of chopsticks.

Granny Liu

谢谢老太太！有了小筷子，我才知道饭是什么味道。

Xièxie lǎotàitai! Yǒu le xiǎo kuàizi, wǒ cái zhīdào fàn shì shénme wèidao.

Thank you, old lady! Now that I have small chopsticks, I finally know what rice tastes like.

Grandmother Jia

刘姥姥，你们乡下人做菜，和我们的一样吗？

Liú lǎolao, nǐmen xiāngxiàrén zuòcài, hé wǒmen de yíyàng ma?

Granny Liu, do country people cook like we do?

Granny Liu

不一样！我们做菜，放盐就够了。你们做菜，好像要给每一样菜穿衣服，戴帽子。

Bù yíyàng! Wǒmen zuòcài, fàngyán jiùgòu le. Nǐmen zuòcài, hǎoxiàng yào gěi měi yíyàng cài chuānyīfu, dàimàozi.

Not at all! We just add salt. You dress every dish in clothes and put a hat on it.

Xifeng

刘姥姥这话说得好，我们府里的菜，每一道都要花很多功夫。

Liú lǎolao zhèhuà shuōdéhǎo, wǒmen fǔ lǐ de cài, měi yídào dōu yào huā hěnduō gōngfu.

Well said, Granny Liu. Every dish in our house takes a lot of work.

Granny Liu

难怪我吃了一口，就觉得舌头在跳舞。

Nánguài wǒ chī le yì kǒu, jiù juéde shétou zài tiàowǔ.

No wonder my tongue started dancing after one bite.

Grandmother Jia

你这张嘴，比我们府里的戏班子还会逗人。

Nǐ zhè zhāngzuǐ, bǐ wǒmen fǔ lǐ de xìbānzi háihuì dòurén.

Your mouth is funnier than our troupe of actors.

Granny Liu

老太太别夸我，再夸，我的尾巴就要翘起来了。

Lǎotàitai bié kuā wǒ, zài kuā, wǒ de wěiba jiùyào qiàoqǐlái le.

Old lady, don't praise me, or my tail will start to curl up.

Grandmother Jia

吃完饭，我们去池塘划船，荷花开得正好。刘姥姥，你来不来？

Chīwánfàn, wǒmen qù chítáng huáchuán, héhuā kāi dé zhènghǎo. Liú lǎolao, nǐ lái bù lái?

After lunch we'll go boating on the pond, the lotus flowers are in full bloom. Granny Liu, will you come?

Granny Liu

划船？我家门前的小河，我连过桥都要扶着栏杆。老太太，我怕水啊！

Huáchuán? Wǒjiā ménqián de xiǎohé, wǒ lián guòqiáo dōu yào fú zhe lángān. Lǎotàitai, wǒ pàshuǐ a!

Boating? At the little river by my house, I hold onto the railing even to cross the bridge. Old lady, I'm afraid of water!

Xifeng

那正好，今天让您好好玩一玩。

Nà zhènghǎo, jīntiān ràng nínhǎo hǎowán yìwán.

Then it's perfect. Today you'll have a good time.

Granny Liu

凤姐，你笑得这么开心，是不是又准备了什么好戏？

Fèngjiě, nǐ xiào dé zhème kāixīn, shìbúshì yòu zhǔnbèi le shénme hǎoxì?

Lady Feng, you're smiling so happily. Have you prepared another show?

Xifeng

刘姥姥，放心，船上有我们。晚上还有一道菜，我保证您这辈子都忘不了！

Liú lǎolao, fàngxīn, chuánshàng yǒu wǒmen. Wǎnshang háiyǒu yídào cài, wǒ bǎozhèng nín zhèbèizi dōu wàngbùliǎo!

Don't worry, Granny Liu, we'll be on the boat with you. And tonight there's one more dish, and I promise you'll never forget it in your life!